Believer

To say that 2014 is a year that I would love to forget is an understatement. I’ve been beating myself up so much lately, and there have been times when I’ve literally just wanted to give up on everything. I mean everything. I’m talking about times when I seriously couldn’t picture myself being able to make it through all of this pain. All of this hurt. All of this disappointment. This downfall has opened up some old wounds that I’ve never fully dealt with…wounds that I’ve been successfully avoiding for years. Add all of that on top of everything else that I’ve been going through, and it’s just a disaster waiting to happen.

I didn’t just hit rock bottom over these past few months, I crashed hard…and incredibly fast.

But, even in my darkest days, I’ve had so many amazing and supportive people who were right there to pick me back up and never let me fall. These are people that have always believed in me, and people who never have, and never will, give up on me. One of those amazing people is constantly reminding me that there are brighter days ahead. Whether it’s a text to see how I’m doing or sending me inspiring words, she makes sure to pull me out of whatever rock I’m trying to crawl under.

And yesterday, just when I felt a brief moment of another possible breakdown coming on, she sent me this: http://www.handsfreemama.com/2014/12/15/if-2014-tried-you-or-tested-you-do-this/

And it put so many things into perspective. This year has been trying in SO many different ways, but somehow, I’m able to take a step back and remind myself that:

I could’ve given up, but I didn’t.

I could’ve let go, but I didn’t.

I held on. For dear life.

and I’m still here. I’m still surviving. I’m making it without the one person who I used to think that I could never live without, and I’m okay because for the first time in a very long time, I feel like I can finally be myself again. I’m finding out exactly who I am and what I want out of life, without the influence of someone else, and it’s strangely comforting and empowering. I’m finding out that I am the only one who can control my life and my happiness.

That’s such a rewarding feeling.

I encourage anyone who has been going through some hard times this year (or ever) to read that article. It was exactly what I needed to hear in a moment when I seriously doubted myself, and it’s a reminder that I’m not alone. Everyone goes through hard times, some way worse than others, but we can all find the strength to make it through, even when it seems utterly impossible.

Because we’re all worth it.

We’re all fighters.

We’re all SURVIVORS.

…and we deserve to be happy. We deserve to be at peace. We deserve to be grateful for the lives we live; no matter how many times our hearts have been broken.

I’m not sure whom to credit for this quote, but I feel that it’s nothing short of amazing, and it’s something that is great for everyone to remember:

“You are not done yet. Nowhere close to being finished. Pick yourself up. Dust off the negativity and get back at it today knowing and believing God has a plan for your life.”

I found that quote in one of the many instances when I was crying hysterically, alone in my room. My tears subsided almost instantly after reading it. It felt like one of those moments when God was giving me a sign. Like he was telling me “you can’t give up now. You’re so much better than this, and I’m going to make sure that everything is okay. I just need you to trust me.”

I immediately felt so comforted.

I began saying that quote to myself over and over again because it is so incredibly true. You can spend every hour of every day feeling sorry for yourself or being sad or angry, but if you dwell on that for too long, it’s going to consume you and the outcome will NOT be pretty. It’ll prevent you from moving forward. It’ll hold you back.

…it will keep you stuck in the past.

And that’s not something you really want for yourself, is it?

Embrace your life for exactly what it is, flaws and all. Use whatever hard times you’re going through and turn it into something POSITIVE. Focus on all of the good that you have in your life. It’ll overcome the bad. Realize that your hard times could very well be a blessing in disguise, a sign of greater things to come. God knows exactly what He’s doing, and He’s not going to be the one to let you fall. He will never allow that to happen because He believes in you. Your family believes in you. Your true friends believe in you. Everyone believes in you.

And it’s about time that you start believing in yourself.

BECAUSE YOU’RE WORTH IT.

And don’t you ever forget it. 

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